epiphany.

relationships consist of ups and downs. it's not always going to be happy times. there are gonna be times where you might not like the person as much as you did a month ago, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you don't like them anymore. maybe you just got used to the fact that the two of you have your own lives and don't have as much time for the other anymore. it's not a bad thing, because at least you have your priorities in order.

i may have been thinking that i didn't like him anymore because of the fact that i didn't get that special feeling whenever i was near him recently. but it's probably just because i don't NEED to see him as much as i felt like i needed before because of the fact that i'm occupied with other more important things.

so right now, our "friendship" is at a low... but it's not a bad thing. because it just makes us stronger <3 id="gwProxy" type="hidden">

kanye

i decided to express my anger towards him here because of the fact that nobody will find this. ahah. but apparently he said sorry to taylor on the jay leno show or whatever. and saying how hes gonna take a break from his career or something. and then he used his mom dying as an excuse. EXCUSE ME. i think i should know & many other people would know that just because your mom dies doesnt mean that gives you an excuse to act like a jerk to people. i hope he doesnt become successful anymore bc he doesnt deserve it, and taylor swift actually does.

life recently.

so senior year. my first period is suuuuuper boring, except the rowdy boys in there actually make it entertaining. second period i have nobody to talk to, and my teacher who thinks he's so funny and thinks he can actually teach is freakin annoying. and it doesn't help because i suck at pre-cal and so does my teacher. sheeesh. 3/4th period is actually alright, the teacher is really boring and monotone but whatever. video productions is cool. 6th period is by far the best, because its the best teacher and the environment is just really chill.

but anyway, the other part of being a senior, tryna figure out what i'm gonna do with my life and where imma go to college & such. it's reaaaaallly stressing me out. & it doesn't help that i think i might not like him anymore. i dont know, like it's not his fault. but i find it weird that a few weeks or like a month or so ago, i was going crazy because i wasn't able to see him everyday like i was during the summer. but then now i see him and i'm just like... okay. it's not like i hate him, it's just that i just see him as a friend status now. like i don't feel the same way i used to when i would be around him.

i don't know what i'm supposed to do at this point. because i'm not sure if it's for sure that i don't like him anymore. because i don't wanna tell him & then it ends up that i still DO like him and it's like all pointless. but if it's for sure that i dont like him, i know i gotta tell him. but what the heck am i supposed to tell him? we're not even really together technically... but it's gonna be super weird because now i'm gonna have to get used to having the "single" life again. even though i've been single all this time. yeaaaaaahhh. complicated crap.

i know this shouldn't even be on my mind, but man, who the heck am i supposed to go to senior ball with now? i've been waiting all this time to finally get to go to a dance with him. but then when i'm finally gonna go, i don't even like him anymore. =/ but then again, brightside, i could find someone that will actually be able to smile in pictures.... ugh, i'm such a mean person.

whateverrrrrr, life goes on. god has my whole life planned for me. i just wonder where my future husband is in this world..